Building a Culture of Trust: It’s Hard But It’s Worth It

Years ago, while serving in a church ministry, I found myself in a leadership environment where I was coerced and manipulated to 'be completely honest' with my leaders. But the reality was, I didn’t feel safe.

Years ago, while serving in a church ministry, I found myself in a leadership environment where I was coerced and manipulated to 'be completely honest' with my leaders. 

But the reality was, I didn’t feel safe.

The environment was tightly controlled. Not only were decisions dictated from the top down, but my faith and personal judgments were regularly questioned. Asking genuine questions, which should have been welcomed in a healthy environment, often led to criticism or disciplinary action.

Worse still, trust was repeatedly undermined. Confidential conversations that others had shared in vulnerability were sometimes passed on without permission, eroding the sense of psychological safety even further.

Worse still, trust was repeatedly undermined. Confidential conversations that others had shared in vulnerability were sometimes passed on without permission, eroding the sense of psychological safety even further.

Eventually, an event occurred that became the breaking point. I was pulled aside, accused of failing to 'submit to authority,' and confronted about not fulfilling my responsibilities as a leader. The interrogation that followed pushed me to my emotional limit.

Under their pressure, I finally blurted out the truth in my heart: "I don't trust you." The relationship broke from that moment on, and the fallout was swift and painful.

Under their pressure, I finally blurted out the truth in my heart: "I don't trust you."

The relationship broke from that moment on, and the fallout was swift and painful. That experience taught me something I’ll never forget:

Just because someone holds a leadership role doesn’t mean their people trust them. Trust isn’t automatic. It comes from feeling safe, but I didn’t feel safe at all.

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In a different setting, a good friend encountered something similar.

On the surface, his workplace looked supportive. They paid him well, covered overtime, and he received bonuses almost every year. They even invested in neurodiversity training to help leaders better communicate with and support neurodivergent employees.

Minor inconsistencies, unrealistic unspoken expectations, and subtle tones that put pressure on him created a different reality.

However, minor inconsistencies, unrealistic unspoken expectations, and subtle tones that put pressure on him created a different reality.

Edgar Schein, a pioneer in organisational culture research, talks about how it’s not the visible structures or stated values that define a culture. The underlying assumptions that truly shape how people experience the workplace (Schein, 1985).

Despite visible efforts, the invisible messages told a different truth. It wasn't just about what was offered. It was about whether he felt supported when it mattered.

And that was the real story here. Despite visible efforts, the invisible messages told a different truth. It wasn't just about what was offered. It was about whether he felt supported when it mattered.

According to Self-Determination Theory (Ryan and Deci, 1985), one of our basic psychological needs is Relatedness — the feeling of being connected, cared for, and supported. Importantly, Relatedness isn't simply about what people do for you. It’s about your perception that support is truly there if and when needed.

Relatedness isn't simply about what people do for you. It’s about your perception that support is truly there if and when needed.

It’s the quiet confidence that says, "I can ask for help. I can speak up. I know they will have my back." In this case, my friend's perception of support was quite low. He felt unsafe asking for flexibility or pushing back against unrealistic demands. And after a recent company ownership change, that perception crumbled even further.

He began prioritising his wellbeing because he no longer trusted the environment to do it for him. That’s not the mark of a thriving culture. That’s survival mode and a sign that an excellent worker is already considering leaving at his first opportunity.

Eventually, he stopped hesitating… Not because he felt more empowered, but because he realised he had to protect himself. He began prioritising his wellbeing because he no longer trusted the environment to do it for him.

That’s not the mark of a thriving culture. That’s survival mode and a sign that an excellent worker is already considering leaving at his first opportunity.

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Words can invite, but only actions build trust. This work isn’t easy. It takes consistency, humility, and care. But it’s worth it.

A true speak-up culture isn’t built on what leaders say but on what they do, especially when the truth is hard to hear. Words can invite, but only actions build trust. This work isn’t easy. It takes consistency, humility, and care. But it’s worth it.

As Stephen Shedletzky reminds us in Speak-Up Culture: “We can only create a culture where people feel free to speak up by demonstrating that we will listen and respond with care when they do.”

That’s where it begins, not with what we declare but how we show up.

And that’s where it begins, not with what we declare but how we show up. For so many people, working in a place where they feel supported, appreciated, and trusted to do the job well would be a dream. That’s not just a nice idea — it’s the foundation of a high-performing, human-centred team.

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References:

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behaviour. New York: Plenum Press.

Schein, E. H. (1985). Organisational Culture and Leadership. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.