Caring for Self
- Dec 1, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 29, 2024
Wellbeing has been a buzzword for some time. We hear it at work, in schools, in commercials, on social media, and now in government. So what is wellbeing?
Learn
There is a stack of different definitions that I shared in my last post, and my view of wellbeing may not be the same as yours. Nevertheless, according to research, there are two fundamental constructs: hedonic and eudaemonia. Hedonia is related to happiness, avoiding pain, life satisfaction (Deci and Ryan, 2008) and self-care. The other, however, is about giving of one's self in service to others, meaning and self-realisation, based on the aristocratic belief that true fulfilment comes from doing what is worth doing (Gale et al., 2013). Both are complementary and worth pursuing because it leads to a well-rounded sense of wellbeing (Huta, 2013). With this in mind, we begin my monthly series Five to Thrive with a focus on hedonic wellbeing, specifically on caring for self.
Caring for oneself can be challenging at times. It is frequently under-prioritised and the first thing to be neglected.
As a mother juggling responsibilities and caring for everyone else, I struggle with self-care, and before I realise it, I feel overwhelmed and heading towards burnout. I had experienced burnout twice in my life while devoting myself to work and church ministry (both before I became a parent!). Burnout taught me two essential lessons: 1. I couldn't help others - the very thing that gave me energy and a sense of fulfilment, and 2. I couldn't create anything. Burnout limited my capacity to accomplish anything, so creating became exhausting. I never want to experience burnout again. Therefore I had to learn to set boundaries and care for myself daily. I planned my self-care practices to be flexible to maintain consistency.
For example, I do a ritual every day, although not always at the same time. The practise consists of meditation, prayer and stream of consciousness writing (morning pages). I usually do this most mornings before I start studying or working. However, sometimes I would do it in the middle of the day or before bed, on weekends.
I would also regularly savour moments to intentionally pause and enjoy something, whether a cup of coffee, going out for a walk/run in nature or listening to an incredible piece of music. I also create art, but I don't do it as frequently as it takes more time.
These practices are not as 'indulgent' as going for a 3-day retreat at a resort, but they are soul-nourishing. We can't sustain without self-care. We need self-care to keep producing good work, fulfil our purpose, and change the world (the other part of wellbeing). It doesn't take much to care for ourselves. I learned that consistency is more important than investing time and money, which is the most challenging part. Perhaps we could start with a tiny step toward caring for ourselves.
Reflect
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you include self-care in your daily life (1 being not at all, and 10 being always)?
What comes in the way of your self-care?
What makes you happy and nourishes your soul?
What do you want to do more to care for yourself?
What small steps can you take to care for yourself daily?
Read
Self-care, in essence, is about being kind to ourselves. 'Self-Compassion' by Kristin Neff provides practical tools to help us have compassion for ourselves, increasing our sense of wellbeing.
'Self-Compassion offers a powerful solution for combating the current malaise of depression, anxiety and self-criticism that comes with living in a pressured and competitive culture.
Through tried and tested exercises and audio downloads, readers learn the three core components that will help replace harmful and destructive measures of self-worth and success with a kinder and non-judgemental approach to bring about profound life change and deeper happiness.
Self-Compassion recognises that we all have weaknesses and limitations, but in accepting this, we can discover new ways to achieve improved self-confidence and contentment and reach our highest potential. Simply, easily and compassionately.'
Listen
Too busy to read? Just hit play and listen to two TED Talks. Here are some great insights about why slower is better for us and how to maintain our psychological health.
Praise for Slowness by Carl Honoré
Where does our need for speed come from? Why are we racing through life instead of living our lives? How about slowing down to savour moments, having deeper connections in our relationships and taking the time to produce better end results?
Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch
How do we maintain our psychological health? Psychologist Guy Winch says that taking action when we are lonely, changing our responses to failure, protecting our self-esteem, and battling negative thinking will heal psychological wounds and help us thrive.
Act
Self-care is a practice. Here are some methods we can do that don't require much time or money.
Go back to your reflections on self-care. Jot down your goals and the steps to achieve them. Writing it down allows you to choose how you want to care for yourself. Thinking up ways to care for yourself is the start of care.
Meditate for any length of time possible, even for a minute. Meditation is about being present with yourself, your feelings and what is around you. Download the free app, InsightTimer to access a wide range of guided meditations and more.
Go for a walk in nature. Open your senses to nature and ask these questions with a sense of curiosity: What do I see? What do I hear? What can I smell? How does it feel?
References
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2008). Hedonia, eudaimonia, and well-being: An introduction.
Journal of Happiness Studies, 9(1), 1-11.
Gale, C. R., Booth, T., Mõttus, R., Kuh, D., & Deary, I. J. (2009). Neuroticism and Extraversion
in Youth Predict Mental Wellbeing and Life Satisfaction 40 Years Later: The
hierarchical structure of well-being. Journal of Personality 77(4), 1025–1050.
Huta, V. (2013). Pursuing Eudaimonia versus Hedonia: Distinctions, Similarities, and Relationships
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