How Running Saved Me

Have you tried running? I hated running. I tried to run many times but never succeeded. Until one day, a friend encouraged me to give it another chance as I had nothing to lose but so much to gain. What happened next didn't only change me. It saved me.

I couldn't run to save my life, so I resolved that I wasn't cut out to run. I just wasn't born to run. My runner friends would be clocking ridiculous speeds and distances, and I'd be happy for them. Don't get me wrong; I've tried many times. I scheduled it in, downloaded the apps, bought running shoes and gave it a go, but I just couldn't run. I gave up way too soon because I didn't like being out of breath. It reminded me of how unfit I was. I had never really been fit, and being out of breath confirmed it.

As you can see, my excuses were not entirely logical. Instead of disrupting that cycle of thought with 'don't stop - keep going', I was stuck in the wrong belief that I could never run until one day.

I couldn't run to save my life, so I resolved that I wasn't cut out to run. I just wasn't born to run.”

I was about to go out for a long walk at the parklands nearby when I met my neighbour at our driveway. Curtis is a healthcare worker, so we'd often talk about health, fitness and life. I told him I was going for a long walk in the woods to hug some trees.

"Hey, have you tried running? It would be better for you," he said.

"Yeah, but I can't run. I have tried many times, and I just can't." I responded.

"Well, try again, and maybe you'll get it this time. It will make you stronger," he said.

Something shifted in me when he said that running would make me stronger. I was trying to find ways to build my inner strength and capacity after the last two exhausting years. So perhaps the soil of my heart was ready to grow some new seeds.

As I walked off that afternoon, my brain started rationalising from past experiences. I asked myself: "Do I really hate running?" My heart whispered loudly, "No. I've always wanted to run. Do it now! Start right now." So I decided to listen to my heart.

I asked myself, "Do I really hate running?" My heart whispered loudly, "No. I've always wanted to run. Do it now! Start right now." So I decided to listen to my heart.

I started running that very day. I could barely run a hundred meters before I felt like dying, but I was determined to try again. Every 2-3 days, I ran until I had to walk and walked until I thought I could run again. I let my body be my guide. I also asked my runner friends for their best tips and learnt a lot from them.

Since mid-September, I have consistently run around three times a week. For motivation, I challenged myself to run 40kms over October to support mental health research and suicide prevention at the Black Dog Institute. The constancy made me fall in love with running and it saved me from spiralling into anxiety as we continued to live in lockdown.

Running is making me strong but it isn't just about my physical fitness. It has also helped me look at life differently, building and sustaining my inner strength to achieve my purpose.

I can now run over 3 km non-stop without running out of breath. It may not be much for some, but it is a big deal as I couldn't even run 100 meters before this. I have never been sporty nor athletic, and I don't intend to be, but I want to increase my fitness and live a healthier life.

Curtis was right. Running is making me stronger, but it isn't just about my physical fitness. It has also helped me look at life differently, building and sustaining my inner strength to achieve my purpose. Here are four main ways how running has saved me from... me:

Running at my pace and no one else's.

I run to the beat of my drum, not according to what others are doing around me. I had to find a manageable pace and build from there, ignoring what is recommended on fitness apps and websites.

A runner friend Michael, put it this way. “Let your breathing dictate your running pace. If you’re panting, you need to slow down and focus on your breath more.” I cannot express how profound this is to my running journey and my view on life.

"Let your breathing dictate your running pace. If you’re panting you need to slow down and focus on your breath more." Similarly, life isn't a sprint and if we are not breathing, we are not living.

Similarly, life isn't a sprint, and if we are not breathing, we are not living. It is about going at a sustainable pace to achieve what we have been purposed to do. There is no point in being ahead if we burn out before the finishing line. I understand that sometimes we need to accelerate to reach a deadline. However, I don't think we are meant to live at a pace so fast that we are out of breath and over our limit for long periods of time.

Running and living at my pace is liberating because I am not comparing myself with others. I measure myself against my standards, with the intention to get better every time I run. I know I will hit 5km without a doubt in my mind. All I need are:

• Consistency - keep going regularly

• Patience - not to 'speed up' just because it's taking too long

• Determination - to set small incremental goals that are achievable

Running helps me respond to my fight/flight triggers.

Whenever I feel like running away to hide in from the world, I can now go out the door and literally 'run away.' We are biologically wired to fight in or flee from a situation posing a threat to us or causing stress in our lives. Our heart starts beating faster, adrenalin kicks in and cortisol increases to prepare our bodies to fight or take flight. The trauma we have faced as Victorians from the last two years has been incredible, and we are triggered no matter where we turn. I can't tell you how many times I have felt like running away from having to deal with life during a pandemic as a parent, wife, daughter, leader, or just being an adult.

Running literally releases toxins through my skin, caused by natural bodily functions as well as emotions circling in my body. It helps me let go of negative feelings and shifts my state of mind from a smelly stagnant pond to a flowing river, activating life-giving energy wherever I go.

Here's the thing. Binge eating, watching Netflix and drinking alcohol doesn't work for me anymore. They don't help my wounds, just like band-aids that don't stick properly. Running, however, literally releases toxins through my skin, as well as the emotions circling in my body. It helps me let go of negative feelings and shifts my state of mind from a smelly stagnant pond to a flowing river, activating life-giving energy wherever I go. After a run, I am more likely to forgive someone or deal with my anxieties.

Running develops my mental and inner strength.

The past two years have been difficult for us all, and it has been an ongoing storm. I was completely drained from my capacity to continue with what I was doing before the pandemic. I pivoted so many times that I had nothing more to give, so nothing worked. Losing capacity also meant losing my strength to persevere, which is not a place I'd like to settle. I decided to step back from all I was involved in and build myself up from the inside out. I slowed down and let myself grieve and heal, but I still felt weak. My energy levels were at an all-time low which was why I was looking for ways to build my strength once again.

Running makes me focus on my breath. I have to get into a rhythm of breathing in and out while taking each stride to avoid running out of breath. If I don't get the balance right, I get out of breath and can't run. This indicates that I need to slow down and catch my breath. At first, I walked more than I ran, but as I ran more consistently, I started to run more than I walked. I increased my running distance by around 100 meters each week. I would set small manageable goals to tick off each time I ran, and it released a surge of natural feel-good hormones in my body, giving me energy.

When I go out for a run, my body is building stamina. However, every time I run 100 meters further and achieve my tiny goal, I also strengthen my mental and inner capacity. I defy my limiting beliefs every single time. Even if I don't reach my little goal, the act of going for a run blows my mind anyway. I am a runner now because I can run. It is something I have never imagined I could achieve in a million years.

...every time I run 100 meters further and achieve my tiny goal, I also strengthen my mental and inner capacity. I defy my limiting beliefs every single time.

With that in mind, I now ask myself, what else can I do that I have never thought I could do? How can I defy other limiting beliefs? It is how I started writing and became a writer. It is how I began planting seeds and became a gardener. What else can I become?

Running helps me listen to my body.

Running helps me listen to my body. The beauty of running is that it is almost meditative. Ok, sometimes I get into the groove of 90s dance music, but my focus is on my breath and movement most of the time. I am mindful about how fast or slow I am breathing and how my legs are moving — running has taught me how to listen to my body. My body is the app that tells me when to run, slow down, pace myself, and rest. I would ask myself when to run and my legs tell me, 'Run, now.' Then I will try to hear out for the words 'Too fast. Slow down.' or 'Keep going, this is good.' When I try to achieve that extra 100 metres, I have a mental dialogue with my body. 'Can I do it this time?' and I'd wait for my body to respond. Sometimes my body will say 'YES!' but sometimes I'd hear, 'Not today, but I ran today.'

I started to listen to my body for other things that I do, like what to eat, when to sleep, how to process emotions, whom I need to talk to, etc. In other words, running has helped me become more in tune with what is going on in my inner world. I had been practising mindfulness, and I didn't even know it.

...running has helped me become more in tune with what is going on in my inner world. I had been practising mindfulness, and I didn't even know it.

Running has given me space to check in with myself and listen to what my body needs in the present moment. This is what self-care is.

For example, while running on the treadmill last week, I felt completely out of sorts. I struggled to get into my rhythm, and I was out of breath before long. So I slowed right down. I asked myself, 'Where is this coming from? Was it because of the time of the day or something I ate?' It was the first time I had run on a rented treadmill at home, so my 'running environment' had changed. My body told me that I needed to ease back into the rhythm by listening to running beats instead of listening to someone speak. I needed something familiar to help release my energy to move. All I needed to do was switch Simon Sinek's podcast to my Workout Beats playlist, and off I went!

I wonder how much I ignore what my body is trying to say to me. It is essential to my wellbeing, and without wellbeing, I will not thrive. Running has given me space to check in with myself and listen to what my body needs in the present moment. This is what self-care is.

So how about you?

So there you have it. The four ways running saved my life, and it might save yours. I am not running to be the fastest or best runner, but I run to be the best version of myself. If you would like to start running, here are some helpful tips I got from my runner friends:

1. Go at your own pace. Don't compare and speed. Then build from there.

2. Make sure you can breathe without panting. If you are panting, you are going too fast.

3. Run until you need to walk, then walk until you can run. Then build from there.

4. Don't go over your limit. It can cause injuries, which means you will have to stop running.

5. Add 50-100 metres every 2-3 runs to increase your distance.

6. Invest in a good pair of running shoes.

7. Get a couple of good running bras (if you are a woman).

8. Treadmills and gravel tracks are the best for knees. Concrete footpaths, especially ones that go downhill, can damage knees over time.

9. Consistency is key. Work out how many times you can run a week and build from there.

10. Enjoy the runner's high, which is the best thing you'll ever experience.

So go ahead. Just do it.